Risa was someone I would talk to about church, and we would share our frustrations and our hope for more abundant life, both for ourselves and for the church. Someone observing our conversations might have assumed that my frantic, sarcastic, angry and cynical outbursts suggested greater passion and an immediacy of action as compared to Risa's thoughtful, honest and hopeful responses.
Risa has been in Uganda since September, living fully into her calling for this season of life and setting an example for folks like Jon and I that we desperately need (which reminds me, you can follow her blog here). I asked her to take a look at our blog and to give us her thoughts, and her response absolutely blew me away. May it bless you as it has me, and may God use stories like Risa's to lead us all more bravely into lives that are about Him and Him alone.
So, I read through all of it with a little girl who I've fallen head over heals for on my right hip. She started to doze, so I came into my bedroom and lay on my bed with her resting on top of me. I read it aloud, as after I read the first one, I thought my friend Kerri might be interested.
This 3-year-old little girl is the one that I took to the doctor this morning. She is malnourished, a total orphan, has malaria, lives in a disgusting home (if you can call it such), and has the cutest smile. Disgustingly enough to admit, I at times do not want to hold sick children for fear that I might become ill. Susan has a horrible cough, and I am risking it all with her- and I feel as if I'm doing the right thing- FINALLY! My lungs are becoming tight and I think I'm catching her ailment. But I genuinely cannot imagine our Savior holding away sick children for His personal health. As I would like to think I can act, in some small way, like Jesus toward these children, I’d better get my act together.
And, as I think of my life and all the children in need, I oftentimes say, “Someday I will adopt orphans.” People ask, “Why not now?” Well, because I’m unemployed (although I have a savings account), I am not married- a kid needs a mom and dad, right? If I ever want to get married I had better not come with baggage- and especially not the baggage of orphan children from another country.
WAIT! WHAT!? A kid with NO parents needs a mom AND a dad???? How about the kid just needing A parent- just needing one person to hold and love them. And, since when does the applause of Man mean more than God??? Since when is Man my god?
So I read your blog, thinking, “Yes. This stuff is right on.” All the while holding an orphan, malnourished little girl who we are going to send back to her dilapidated, disease infested home in a few days because I am unmarried and think that for whatever reason I can’t adopt children.
Am I listening to Satan?
Is Jesus really worth it? Is Jesus worth the risk of people in my church community- the ones who have taught me about Jesus- thinking I am crazy for being financially unstable and single while taking on the task of an orphan when nobody else will care for her?
OR, what about Jesus’ saying that we must sell everything and give to the poor?
YES, JD, you saw the ample CRAP I have all sitting in my friends’ garage in Danville. It took me days to move out of that tiny apartment. Yes, it’s CRAP! So much that will just wither away, and to be honest, 6 months later, I can only list a few things that remain. Why did I not sell and give away those things? Why am I dreaming about how I want to decorate a home for myself next year?
I haven’t bought a single piece of clothing in more than 6 months. I haven’t bought anything more than a few Christmas gifts and some items to support sponsored childrens’ businesses since September (unless I am forgetting something- and I may be). It has been 6 of the most freedom filled months of my life!! Not once have I wished for a new clothing store (although I am sick of wearing the same few outfits OVER and OVER again- but when I see little butts because kids can’t afford pants, I can hardly complain).
What will all of this look like when I get home? I know I’ll need some new clothes, but to what extent? I know- or so I have been told, that it is okay for us to live as we do in (our wealthy suburb) Walnut Creek. It is okay for us to spend $4 on a beer, drink 2 or 3 of them in a sitting, and not feel bad, because it’s OUR money, right? It’s our hard day’s work we’re drinking the fruits of, when most the world makes less than $2 per day. And, yes, I like beer. And yes, I have a trip down the coast with my sister planned for when I get back. And I think that’s okay. Wealth can be a gift. But, I think we’re also giving each other a mouth full of shit when we justify our own excessive spending. I make excuses for how things are “ministry.” If I don’t spend $100s on… whatever, (you fill in the blank) then I won’t fit in and have any friends and people who don’t know Jesus will think I am even more strange- thus never coming to Christ- etc. etc. etc. ALL to fill my own pleasure.
I justify sin by misinterpreting Scripture?
So, what if I adopted an orphan, gave up my social life (I wouldn’t fit in with my single friends OR my married friends), and became so poor because I was working extra hard to provide for a kiddo (or 2)? What if my family thought I was insane and my church community thought I was doing something wrong by not providing a little one with two parents? What if nobody ever wanted to date me because not only did I come with a kid, but a kid from a different race?
What if I only pleased God?
Would it be worth it?
If this year is any indication then YES!! Yes, it would be worth it 110%. I wouldn’t trade following the Lord here for ANYTHING!!! The joy of the Lord truly HAS been my strength. It’s felt abundant. Then why do I get so scared every time? Don’t I trust it’ll be worth it??
And no, I do not know if I am to adopt an orphan. But, maybe I need to be open to it. Maybe I need to start answering the “Why not now?” question not with the “I’m single.” excuse, but with the “I’ve prayed about it, and it’s not what God is calling me to right now.” answer. Which would mean that first I’d have to honestly pray about it- and what if God did say to adopt? Am I willing to risk that prayer or will I just stay in my excuse out of fear of REALLY knowing?
How long will I read about Jesus’ love for the poor with a child ensconced in my embrace, while agreeing that the Church should do something about them? Talk about a plank in my eye and a speck in the others’?
I’m no different than the pew-dwellers- and I may be worse- simply because sometimes I think I am different.
Who knows?? (Obviously, I don’t (and none of this has been any help in you and Jon figuring out where God is calling you). I’d love to talk more about this and unpack your thoughts a little more...
Risa
Post Script from Jon: Be on the look out for a couple of short follow up posts that attempt to describe what it is we mean when we say "Imperial," "Abundant" and "Church" life. Also, lurking somewhere in the future is a post about why what we're looking for is NOT asceticism.
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